Out of control

People are control freaks.  We try so hard to control our lives, to feel like we are planning and making our decisions on our terms. But the more I live, the more I start to understand that things hardly happen on our terms.

At work, as people have found out that I am pregnant, there have been quite a few comments about how bad my timing is for this.  That just makes me want to laugh...as if I really did have control over the timing of successfully carrying a pregnancy. I suppose some people do have that kind of control, they plan the whole pregnancy around their convenience, but that's not how my life has worked out.  So...maybe it looks like bad timing for my work life, but I think it's perfect timing for my family life which, for me, has a much higher priority.

Then I must have gotten over-confident.  I thought that I could plan out my last few months at work before this baby is born, even transfer to a new position with enough time to get semi-established, and make this all work out how I planned.  Then came the dreaded words from my doctor's mouth.  "Bed rest.  Strict bed rest".  Two days before I switched positions.  Right when I was tying up all the loose ends and getting ready to transfer to a new position, location, and duties.  I missed my going away party (well, it was cancelled). And there is nothing I can do about it.

I can lay on the couch.  Or the bed.  Or even the floor if I really wanted to.  I can get up to do the basics, eating, showering, doctor appointments.  I am technically not even supposed to be sitting (which is why I'm typing FAST).  They cannot give me medication to fix it, all I can do to help is lay down.

So, all my well laid plans...not really working out. No shopping, cleaning, organizing that I intended to get done.  I get to read books, which luckily I enjoy.  And I get to try and get this baby as close to her due date as possible, which is what my priority is anyway.  So, if anyone needs me, I'll be here doing my best at what I can do...laying down.

Makeup Love

Normally I am not someone that can justify spending a lot of money on something like makeup.  I feel like I'm getting a little out of control when I want the latest-and-greatest more expensive L'Oreal mascara at Wal-Mart, and then if I do get it, I always end up going back to my stand-by anyway. Now I admit, a few years ago I decided to try Bare Minerals makeup, which can be pricey but a little goes a long way and I have stuck by that one, but I don't have to buy it all that often so I can justify that.

Then, not that long ago, I went into the Sephora store at a local mall.  So shiny. So sexy. So colorful.  All these things that you never knew you needed until you saw them in their cleverly packaged displays that convince you you would be FAR more beautiful if you would buy the tiny tube of something or other for just a mere $40. I started to feel like my current makeup routine was drastically lacking.  And they have these helpful employees stationed all around that are ready and willing to tell you how if you just bought this or that, it would make all the difference for you!

 Luckily for me, I had come with a specific purpose.  I wanted an eye-shadow primer, something to help my eye makeup to stay where I put it in the morning, instead of smudged wherever my work day led it.  I asked one of the super helpful employees, she took me around and showed me their top 3 out of their many options.  I wondered what helped make these the 'top 3', perhaps the ones that are paying the store the best for advertising, but didn't want to go there.  I waited until she felt awkward standing there staring at me and left, then started testing (yeah, you can test everything in the store, kinda sounds like a germfest to me).  I checked prices and ounces, decided what I would be most able to use sparingly.  I decided on the one that had the most fun packaging (but not the most expensive), but only because it actually was what I had been looking for.  I had my Christmas money that I had saved specifically for my frivolous makeup splurge, and just bought the one item from a young man who was better made up than me on my best day, and then I left feeling like I had escaped.

So a month or so later, I have determined it was worth it.  I actually LOVE my little splurge, and hopefully it lasts long enough that I could possibly justify it again.  And away from their shiny displays and perfectly made-up staff, my makeup routine seems just fine to me.

Counting

It's funny how many things in our lives become part of a running count.  Birthdays.  Anniversaries.  Number of speeding tickets we've received (and that's a 0 for me folks!  knock on wood, totally just jinxed myself).  So I'm excited to finally be able to say that after 5 1/2 years, 4 losses, 4 'regular' doctors, 1 (excellent) specialist, countless tests, medications, and meltdowns, and I don't even want to know how much money...we are expecting 1 little girl who gets to start her own count somewhere around June 8th of this year. We are so excited I don't even know how to express it well in words.  At the bottom of my blog is a ticker that is (you guessed, right?) keeping count of how long she's been baking, and how much longer till she's done.  Jon sometimes is inpatient, he asks if we can turn the heat up in the oven and get her done faster, but this is one countdown I'm happily waiting out.  One miracle baby, coming right up!