Monday, May 2, 2011

Out of control

People are control freaks.  We try so hard to control our lives, to feel like we are planning and making our decisions on our terms. But the more I live, the more I start to understand that things hardly happen on our terms.

At work, as people have found out that I am pregnant, there have been quite a few comments about how bad my timing is for this.  That just makes me want to if I really did have control over the timing of successfully carrying a pregnancy. I suppose some people do have that kind of control, they plan the whole pregnancy around their convenience, but that's not how my life has worked out.  So...maybe it looks like bad timing for my work life, but I think it's perfect timing for my family life which, for me, has a much higher priority.

Then I must have gotten over-confident.  I thought that I could plan out my last few months at work before this baby is born, even transfer to a new position with enough time to get semi-established, and make this all work out how I planned.  Then came the dreaded words from my doctor's mouth.  "Bed rest.  Strict bed rest".  Two days before I switched positions.  Right when I was tying up all the loose ends and getting ready to transfer to a new position, location, and duties.  I missed my going away party (well, it was cancelled). And there is nothing I can do about it.

I can lay on the couch.  Or the bed.  Or even the floor if I really wanted to.  I can get up to do the basics, eating, showering, doctor appointments.  I am technically not even supposed to be sitting (which is why I'm typing FAST).  They cannot give me medication to fix it, all I can do to help is lay down.

So, all my well laid plans...not really working out. No shopping, cleaning, organizing that I intended to get done.  I get to read books, which luckily I enjoy.  And I get to try and get this baby as close to her due date as possible, which is what my priority is anyway.  So, if anyone needs me, I'll be here doing my best at what I can do...laying down.

No comments: